Don't have anything to say about the non-staking, but when it comes to did-she-love-him?, and why didn't he call etc, the thing that always strikes me is that as soon as he becomes solid he *immediately* wants to go to Buffy. No hesitation, no 'Will she want to see me?', no worries. Angel convinces him to stay for the sake of the shanshu-thing, and it's only *after* that incident that he suddenly changes his mind. (Which is Spike all over - rushing off, until forcibly stopped and made to think a bit more.)

But - I wrote meta about it once (which made most of the Spuffy shippers on my flist cry, which wasn't the intention, me being as Spuffy as you can get...) Anyway, it's there if you're curious.

As for whether she loved him or not, then this short fic is the most perfect answer I've ever come across:

Forget-me-not by the_royal_anna.