His words say 'I did it for your own good' while she's got a bunch of dead bodies and the memory of him throwing a church at her.

And let's all remember that Buffy gets very upset and insecure when Angel keeps secrets from her, when he lies to her, when he does things that break her trust. And when she feels upset with him about this, she doesn't go from mid-pout or yell to sucking his tongue.

Find a scene where she actually does this with Angel. Not with Spike, but with Angel. Because her reactions are dictated by how she relates to Angel specifically. Her Smashed sex is specific and has to do with self-hatred and self-punishment. Kissing Angel in that moment isn't about hurting herself, so the reaction doesn't translate.