I think it's more complicated. I was wait on this (and maybe by OMWF this will be more refined). But Xander's summoning Sweet, in-story, is about Xander/Anya, and how, even though he knows on some level that the marriage is going to be a disaster and people will get hurt, he keeps himself in denial about it until the very minute when he has to confront it. People die in OMWF because figuratively he and Anya get extremely hurt in Hell's Bells. And OMWF amps everything up to 11. Note that Sweet is a demon that's there because of Xander's insecurities--just like Anya was, indirectly, in "The Wish", her being there because he cheated on Cordelia--and that Xander was, almost without realizing it, required to marry him. I've always felt his refusal to say something points at the real, major problems the Scoobies have this year--it's not fun and games anymore. But he, and the rest of the Scoobs, still go into denial. (Xander is explicitly written as being in denial--"Are we sure these things are connected, the singing and dancing and burning and dying?"--as if grasping at straws that this isn't his fault consciously while subconsciously he's sure it is.)
Besides, the musical is so very story-on-top-of-story; at the end Joss basically tips his hand and says, no, this doesn't make complete sense anyway, as part of the way the general episode tears down romantic musical conventions while simultaneously holding them up. Xander is the audience-surrogate (WE wanted this musical, and look what distruction it wrought!) and author-surrogate (same). It's so ridiculous (though it does have some in-story meaning) that we're kicked out of the story, and reminded that it is just a story, right when we gear up for the earnest/fake Buffy/Spike kiss. So I think we're supposed to take Xander's summoning the demon simultaneously seriously (what does this reveal about Xander?) and non-seriously (it's just a story, you should just relax). Which, of course, is just my take--and I admit fully it's a problematic one. Nine years after the musical I'm still working on figuring it out.
That said, in the story in my head Xander really owned up to what happened after his denial of his own dark side stopped post-"Selfless."
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Besides, the musical is so very story-on-top-of-story; at the end Joss basically tips his hand and says, no, this doesn't make complete sense anyway, as part of the way the general episode tears down romantic musical conventions while simultaneously holding them up. Xander is the audience-surrogate (WE wanted this musical, and look what distruction it wrought!) and author-surrogate (same). It's so ridiculous (though it does have some in-story meaning) that we're kicked out of the story, and reminded that it is just a story, right when we gear up for the earnest/fake Buffy/Spike kiss. So I think we're supposed to take Xander's summoning the demon simultaneously seriously (what does this reveal about Xander?) and non-seriously (it's just a story, you should just relax). Which, of course, is just my take--and I admit fully it's a problematic one. Nine years after the musical I'm still working on figuring it out.
That said, in the story in my head Xander really owned up to what happened after his denial of his own dark side stopped post-"Selfless."