We know that Willow bailed, but we don't know at what point in the story she did, or what happened before that. Her leaving for her own reasons is a pretty good bet. But it's not impossible that she left because Buffy insisted on doing her own thing with the slayers. (Sort of like a Mom who knows best and who doesn't let the father help, and then complains when the father isn't aroud). Your scenario is more likely, but we don't really know.
My raising the question about Buffy/Xander is really just asking if there aren't going to be more layers to that than the ones we already see. Yes, she's afraid for her lovers. That's a basic meaning. There are other resonances though. The one I'm pondering, though, is just more structural. Part of Faith's going bad meltdown in season 3 was using Xander for sex and then turning violent with him. So I think it's on the table. It's not as though Buffy is a stranger to the concept of using a guy for sex and turning violent on him. As she says in the dream, she's not just afraid that the dark is going to hurt him, she's afraid she is the dark.
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My raising the question about Buffy/Xander is really just asking if there aren't going to be more layers to that than the ones we already see. Yes, she's afraid for her lovers. That's a basic meaning. There are other resonances though. The one I'm pondering, though, is just more structural. Part of Faith's going bad meltdown in season 3 was using Xander for sex and then turning violent with him. So I think it's on the table. It's not as though Buffy is a stranger to the concept of using a guy for sex and turning violent on him. As she says in the dream, she's not just afraid that the dark is going to hurt him, she's afraid she is the dark.