We're all afraid of dying. We can have hope or even faith. But there are a lot of scary possibilities. My own worst fear is about not being ready -- of facing a sudden death where my final thought would be "I should have done all those things I meant to do but never got around to". Not things I don't have time for. Things I do have time for but just have chosen to not do yet. (One of my sister-in-law's cousins was on that plane that crashed off the coast of Brazil so the fear of sudden death is quite vivid for me at the moment). That's why my focus is on how to make use of today. (I fail at it mostly -- but that's what I do worry about).
As for the idea of not-being... That I have being at all is such an astonishing miracle. It's the ultimate gift. I trust the gift-giver that it's not just a loan. Maybe that's the difference. The fear of not-being is not my particular fear because I am astonished that I have being in the first place. Even if it is just a loan, it's more than I could have mustered on my own (what with there being no me to muster it and all).
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Date: 2009-06-04 08:58 am (UTC)We're all afraid of dying. We can have hope or even faith. But there are a lot of scary possibilities. My own worst fear is about not being ready -- of facing a sudden death where my final thought would be "I should have done all those things I meant to do but never got around to". Not things I don't have time for. Things I do have time for but just have chosen to not do yet. (One of my sister-in-law's cousins was on that plane that crashed off the coast of Brazil so the fear of sudden death is quite vivid for me at the moment). That's why my focus is on how to make use of today. (I fail at it mostly -- but that's what I do worry about).
As for the idea of not-being... That I have being at all is such an astonishing miracle. It's the ultimate gift. I trust the gift-giver that it's not just a loan. Maybe that's the difference. The fear of not-being is not my particular fear because I am astonished that I have being in the first place. Even if it is just a loan, it's more than I could have mustered on my own (what with there being no me to muster it and all).