I'd actually say everything anybody says is inflected by their self-interest or projections. Which is not to say there aren't truths in there. Just that as in life it can be hard to sort out how the filter impacts the message. And I really don't think the writers were saying that we should take Xander's remarks seriously in some special way. He's got some insight and he's got some blinders. Spike says a lot that's true, but he's also got blinders and it'd be wrong to say that he's an oracle when it comes to naming important truths about Buffy. In all these cases we have to sort -- and what we sort on is not the writers making some meta statement about who's "right" but rather the details and situations they show us. Given everything I know about Buffy and Riley, my task is not to nod my head at Xander's wisdom -- it's to sit back and think about what he's got right and what he's got wrong and then maybe to think about what that says about him and some more thoughts about how that speech impacts Buffy and on and on. Tis what I like about the show. It shows the complexity of everything and it exactly doesn't boil down to packaging take home messages like "Buffy should have run after Riley a bit sooner".
I think I've given the impression I think the break up is all Riley's fault. That's not at all my opinion. I don't like how Riley handled himself in this episode. I don't think Buffy should have run after him. And a lot of Xander's take on it bugged me. But the relationship broke apart because they didn't fit. Buffy's heart has shut down for business (and actually, the death knell isn't Angel -- it's Parker -- though Parker is obviously a proxy for Angel). I think the fact that she's trying to force something (I'm a normal girl) that doesn't fit puts a wedge in their relationship that's very hard for Riley to get around. And, frankly, I think she had a lot on her plate and really didn't have room for a guy. She's got a new sister, a dying Mom, and new urgency about figuring out what it means to be a slayer. It'd have been weird if it had worked out. And one feels for Riley because he's ready for something that she just isn't ready for. It doesn't make sense to me to assign blame. The relationship just didn't work and it was never going to.
no subject
I think I've given the impression I think the break up is all Riley's fault. That's not at all my opinion. I don't like how Riley handled himself in this episode. I don't think Buffy should have run after him. And a lot of Xander's take on it bugged me. But the relationship broke apart because they didn't fit. Buffy's heart has shut down for business (and actually, the death knell isn't Angel -- it's Parker -- though Parker is obviously a proxy for Angel). I think the fact that she's trying to force something (I'm a normal girl) that doesn't fit puts a wedge in their relationship that's very hard for Riley to get around. And, frankly, I think she had a lot on her plate and really didn't have room for a guy. She's got a new sister, a dying Mom, and new urgency about figuring out what it means to be a slayer. It'd have been weird if it had worked out. And one feels for Riley because he's ready for something that she just isn't ready for. It doesn't make sense to me to assign blame. The relationship just didn't work and it was never going to.